You are capable of so much more

T’was a sweltering hot summer- 

Actually pardon me,  autumn day I should say (global warming has probably angered Melbourne), and university studies was the usual mixture of uninformatively long, convoluted powerpoint slides, blank faces and an unnecessary 5 hour gap in between classes.

And because I like to procrastinate but have an pet peeve of wasting time, I was out of the humid lecture theatre in a flash and on the next bus to the gym (running away from studies on the treadmill really)

Today was leg day, and I can’t describe that sinking feeling when it hit me that i’d left my gloves at home. 

Hello calluses :))

Despite that, it was a good session today, and I had finally FINALLY stepped out of the squat and deadlift plateau and bumped the weight up just that little bit more to hit a new personal best.

Standing on those thick rubber mats printed with your basic “train insane” and “go hard or go home” in the gym reminded me of a sentence that a coursemate of mine commented after witnessing a girl balancing two boxes of pasta on her left arm, a bottle of coke and a smoothie on her right all while simultaneously pulling a door open with her adidas ultraboost foot- 

Human beings are much more capable than they think they are.

And he’s right, especially under stress.

Most may think stress is counterintuitive to productivity, but sometimes, I think otherwise. 

Stress doesn’t feel good, but its like a force that stretch the boundaries, testing tenacity and resilience. 

And if you are nerdy like me or are doing a medical related course, the beneficial effects of stress can already be physiologically seen in the cardiac muscle cells, the more stretching and stress exerted upon the cardiac cells when blood flows in, the stronger the force of contraction.

learn from the cardiac cells.

The body and mind are amazing things that function in harmony together to adapt to this testing, and to thus react with more strength, agility and flexibility.

I certainly didn’t come to this gym expecting to push my weight today, but all I knew was how stressed out I already was mentally, and it felt good to just translate that into physical stress and kinetic energy. 

Physics and biology aside, 

You are so much more capable than you can imagine, be it lifting weights, at your job, at your school. Perhaps its a public speaking presentation, or an operation, an interview or an exam.

Don’t be afraid to test your limits, channel your negative fears into a challenge for yourself. Sure there may be failure, we are after all only a biological blob of cells- however we are a blob of very highly physiologically and physically organised, adaptive and spiritually sound cells. We are made with a God like image, and our bodies are amazing, functional things, capable of achieving great lengths.

…and don’t forget to recoil after you’re done with testing your tenacity. Take a break, reward yourself, or pick yourself up after you fall and try again.

You are capable of doing so.

missing someone.

Have you missed someone so?

Have you missed someone so much that it physically aches?

Skin longing for a touch, a stroke, a prod, to feel their shallow breath, a soft snore of sleep on your neck, to open your eyes to their peaceful face just milimetres shy from yours.

Have you missed someone so much that it warps the mind?

Your idle thoughts wandering around them, their day, their safety. Imaginations straying to what could be, images of what should have been. 

Have you missed someone so much that you long to connect? 

Just to stay well in their company, to see straight into their eyes and talk about nothing, to hear a little satisfied chuckle, to gaze upon their smile in silence, to watch them watch you.

Have you missed someone so much that wailing sirens have fallen upon deaf ears?

Enduring the sting of their words or lack of words, brushing off your own discomfort for their self serving sake, and foolishly returning back, hoping they’ll one day wake up and realise.

Have you missed someone so much you know its not right? 

Someone who shouldnt be missed, someone who mightn’t be there at and until the very end, someone who doesnt see you for who you are inside, someone who doesnt care?

Hanging onto one word replies and overthinking ‘last active’ times, 

hiding behind the trysts that jolly don’t carry on in reality, 

staying put even when they selfishly hurt you,

Tears streaming quietly down your cheeks.

Have you missed someone so?